Hey there! For those of you also in the Netherlands, I hope you had a great Kingsday. Juan and me (Michael) along with the rest of the gang had a great time time in Amsterdam. Here’s me and Donovan making the most of our lives, passed out on the side of an Amsterdam canal.

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Juans Mom, Anita is writing the guest post for todays edition. She grew up in Britain, so please forgive her misspelling words like “visualise”.

PEOPLE

The Art of Saying No

“Focusing is about saying no”
- Steve Jobs

😬 Why is it so hard to say “no” to people?

From a young age, we're programmed to please. As children, when we dared to utter "no" to parents and teachers, we often faced disapproval, steering us toward a safer "yes." This pattern followed us into the playgrounds, where agreeing to join in games and activities was our ticket to friendships. As we ventured into the professional world, our inclination to agree only intensified, driven by the desire to advance our careers.

This habit persists because we tend to undervalue our own goals and interests, mistakenly believing them to be less important than those of others. Moreover, we fear that putting our needs first and declining requests—from a simple favor to a colleague to a night out with friends—might come off as selfish and harm our relationships.

🤔 How can we find the courage to say "no"?

Discovering the power to refuse comes from understanding three key insights:

1. Preserving Personal Time: If you're always saying "yes" to others, you're inevitably saying "no" to your own needs, leading to overwhelm, stress, exhaustion, and resentment. When you're in such a state, how effective can you really be for others? By choosing to say "no," you prioritize your wellbeing and recharge, boosting your ability to support those around you.

2. Increasing Your Value: It's human nature to cherish what is scarce. If you make your time a scarce resource, friends and colleagues will value it more. This contrasts sharply with a scenario where you agree to every request, diluting the perceived value of your time and presence.

3. Each "yes" is a "no" to something else that matters to you: Before agreeing to another time-consuming request, consider the three Ps: people, projects, and personal wellbeing. Imagine the regret of not spending time with loved ones, the unfulfilled passion for a personal project, or picturing yourself burnt out after overcommitting. These visualizations can guide you to make decisions that align with your priorities.

😡 How to say “no” without angering people:

Categorical No’s: Present your refusal as an established personal policy rather than a personal slight. This approach turns your "no" into a matter of fact, softening the blow. For instance:

• "I don't drink on weekdays."

• "I schedule interviews only on Fridays."

• "I'm not taking on new proposals at the moment."

Commitment-Based Refusals: People tend to respect existing commitments, understanding that no one wants to be pressured into breaking them. Thus, framing your "no" around a commitment can minimize pushback:

• "I'm currently dedicated to another project and won't be able to accept your request."

• "This weekend is reserved for family time."

• "I've committed to a daily lunchtime gym session, so I can't join you for lunch."

Counteroffers: If you value the relationship but need to decline the request, consider making a counteroffer. This shows that you're still willing to assist, just not in the way initially asked:

• "I can't take that on right now, but I can connect you with someone who might help."

• "Handling tasks A, B, and C isn't possible at the moment, but I'd be glad to assist with one of them."

• "I won't be able to make it to your meeting due to prior commitments, but I'm happy to send over some ideas via email for you to discuss."

“One-half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying 'yes' too quickly and not saying 'no' soon enough.” - Josh Billings

SOURCE: The Art of Saying No by Damon Zahariades

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— Juan

PEOPLE

How to tell stories

Last week I had dinner with my friend Vincent, and he told me that he’s working on improving his story telling ability, how he read a book called Storyworthy and has been attending some workshops. At the end of the dinner he told me and my friends one of his stories about how his life changed, and the way he told it felt very vibrant and emotional, it made me want to improve my story telling abilities also. So he recommended that I start with this book also. So I read through the book this week, and here are my notes from it.

Here’s some tips from the book on how to become story worthy:

Daily Adventures
This is in order for you to have more stories to tell

• An adventure can just be deviating from your daily routine

• Take a new route back from work

• Grab something at the grocery store that you haven’t had before

• Talk to some strangers on the street

The One-Line Journal
This is so that you remember each day

• Talk about the highlight of each day in one line

• Write this in an excel spreadsheet

• One line per day

• Never miss a day

Stream of Consciousness Writing
This is so that you improve build on your memories

• Write whatever is on your mind for 15 minutes

• Write with pen

• Don’t let the pen down

• If you can’t think of anything to write then write random words (colours / countries etc etc)

• Afterwards go through and see if there’s anything interesting within what you wrote

• Over time you’ll build up different memories or thoughts that you had, and see what you might be able to make a good story out of

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— Michael

GUEST POST

The Power of the Imagination

🐸 Super-Frog Saves Tokyo by Haruki Murakami

Mr. Katagiri, a man defeated by life, is visited by a giant talking frog.
Frog asks him to help him defeat Worm who is planning a devastating earthquake in Tokyo.
But Katagiri has an accident and slips into a coma on the day of the battle.
Katagiri awakes in the hospital to find Frog sitting by him.
Katagiri: “Frog! I’m deeply sorry for not being there to fight Worm. I was unconscious!”
Frog: “Mr. Katagiri! You were a great help. We defeated Worm! You did a great job in your dreams.”
Katagiri: “How? ”.
Frog: “The fight took place in the area of imagination, the location of our battlefield. It is where we experience our victories and defeats”.

😮 Interesting studies on imagination:

• A 1992 study discovered participants who only imagined their training sessions increased in strength. Over 20 sessions, their MVC (maximum voluntary contraction) increased by 22%, versus 30% for those who actually trained. Not much of a difference & excellent news for rehabilitees & couch potatoes.

• Sally Gunnell, 1992 Olympic Gold medal winner, says success was 70% mental. After previous failure, she started daily visualization, imagining sprinting, hurdling & finishing, giving her body the capacity to win.

• Clearly imagining sensations of chewing and swallowing, decreases appetite, just as if you had actually eaten. This has obvious implications for weight loss strategies.

• Another experiment showed both physical and mental piano practice caused the same changes in the brain (see image below). And it turns out the brain can learn to play an instrument without even touching it!

  

✨ Applying the Magic

For optimum benefit, use all  5 senses to conjure up the scene so that it feels as near to real as possible.  

• Performance: Improve your tennis serve, piano concerto or speech by repeatedly visualizing the process in detail, just like the pros.

• Injury recovery: Visualize yourself healed and performing at full capacity.

• Habit change: Practice new, beneficial behaviors, thoughts & beliefs in your imagination until they become second nature.

• Social confidence: Imagine a challenging situation and experience acting & embodying confidence.

“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it”. - William Arthur Ward

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— Anita

TAKING ACTION

Sign up to our Accountability Clubs

Want a community to keep you accountable? Willing to put your money where your mouth is? 😂

How it works:
💸 Everyone makes the same deposit at the beginning of the month.
✅ Every day you succeed, you get paid back a small amount from your deposit PLUS the money from others who failed that day.
❌ Every day you fail, your money for that day goes to people who succeed.
🗓️ It is 5 times a week. Month-to-month contract. You can join or leave at the beginning of each month.

May Clubs you can join:
🏋️ Exercise 5 times a week.
⏰ Wake up early during weekdays.
📵 Digital minimalism during weekdays.
📝 Signup to join for May

Updates from this week:

We want to start some new accountability groups! So if you have some ideas for what you’d like to be held accountable for getting done, let us know 😉.
Starting the May groups tomorrow, last chance to join in for the start of the groups.

Exercise: We are now doing 2 different exercise groups. One for 5 days, and another for 3 days. We have 8 participants in each group.

Sleep: And we have 6 people participating in the sleep group.

Highlights from Exercise Club: